Finding your Soulmate 101 (or whatever the prereq to that would be)

“Do you believe soulmates exist?”

My friend asked me this as he was telling me about his impending breakup.

“And if they do, how do we know we’ve found our actual soul mate vs. just a deep connection or fleeting love? Is it really worth the energy and potential pain if we’re not sure?”

I answered the first question without hesitation. “Yes, absolutely.” But the second one gave me pause. How do you know, especially in the beginning, when it all feels magical?

But yes, there is definitely a distinction. Putting it into words, however, is the equivalent of trying to explain how it feels to be loved or to have faith.

Love feels like your soul has been kissed. Faith feels like love in its purest form.

But that’s hard to conjure up on a whim, especially while trying to avoid saying all the things that made me cringe when I was in the thick of a heartbreak.

My enlightened response? 

“I don’t know…you just know.”

If that doesn’t make you cringe…ambiguities and sweeping generalizations are the last thing you want to hear when your heart is being ripped out. You want fucking answers.

So I decided it best to keep my mouth shut, nod my head empathetically and refrain from rattling off reasons why it’s for the best. All I really wanted to do, however, was encourage him to memorize how he feels right now so he’ll remember the next time this happens: the pain really doesn’t last forever…I think.

Thankfully, I opted to keep my mouth shut.

I saw his relationship unfold from the beginning. There were obvious warning signs, but he couldn’t see them, of course. We rarely can.

We’re too immersed in the present moment, relishing in the excitement of discovery. We finally found someone who fits, who can finish our sentences, celebrate our quirks, shine light on the beautiful parts that get lost when no one’s there to name them. We found someone to play with, to laugh with, to make our hearts fuller, lighter. We found our soul mate…

Or did we? How do we know for sure, if what we found is real, if it’s worth the gamble when the stakes are so high.

We don’t, I guess…until we do.

Full Disclosure:

Okay, I don’t really know that “you just know.”

It makes sense that you would. I’ve heard that’s how it works. But I honestly can’t speak from experience. I’ve never met mine, not that kind, I don’t think. I thought I did. But, I would know, right?

The whole thing got me thinking. Not just about ‘finding my soulmate’, all of it- the different shades, degrees and patterns of connection, love and relationships.

But seriously, I’m still here? 101? I should have a Ph.D. in this shit by now. Or at least be making substantial progress. So why do I still feel like I’m learning how to spell?

Y-O-U  A-R-E  D-O-I-N-G  T-H-I-S  A-L-L  W-R-O-N-G

No, this isn’t where I want to be- sifting through relationships that are frustrating and unfulfilling. And truly, as much as it might appear to consume me, I’m not on some mad quest to find the one. I’m fine with a break from it all, knowing that I’m still a bit fragile and borderline calloused…not a good place to start from, I’ve discovered.

Yet they continue to surface, and I continue to play them out: these impossible scenarios that turn into an insidious dance- one that gets replayed over and over, making sure I stay a little fragile and increasingly calloused.

So time for a bit more self-reflection (which I assure you, I’m super excited about).

However, I have additional incentive this time; my friend needs some answers.

So I’m doing a little research…

Picture courtesy- KosovaLive360

Next week: No assignments. Attendance encouraged, open-mind required.
Extra credit for any shared soulmate encounters.


9 thoughts on “Finding your Soulmate 101 (or whatever the prereq to that would be)

  1. Brooke, I read this and kept coming back to this one sentence:

    “Love feels like your soul has been kissed. Faith feels like love in its purest form.”

    You have phrased this perfectly. I don’t know if anyone has ever stated it so simply yet in terms that everyone will say…”Yes! That’s it exactly.”

    I know there are arguments some will make on either side of this question as to the existence of soulmates. I also know their answers might differ depending on where they are in their relationship. You are so right as to the fluid nature of the answer. The problem is that, just because one might find their soulmate, that doesn’t mean it won’t take work to make it last through time. We are still flawed people and do things to fuck it up. It’s recognizing that in our self and the other, and pushing past to not push them away. They have to do the same. Otherwise it WILL fall and we will say…nope wasn’t my soulmate. Finding one’s soulmate may be easier than staying with them in this case.

    I don’t believe you are at 101…you have learned things that have helped you see through a wider lens.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree with you completely, BW, as my research has reiterated (details to come) I certainly can’t claim that my discoveries or ‘findings’ are truth, but I do think we have different experiences of love, contingent on where we are at and what we need to learn. I also think we are quick to claim someone as our soulmate in the beginning and are prone to denying someone is our soulmate when they don’t show up the way we wanted them to. I’m pretty confident I did that…but whether it’s the former or latter… I’m still sorting that out. Nothing black or white about it, as you seem to understand.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The mystery that is…I know. You are so correct in how we claim and discard based upon our expectations.

        You are sorting though. And that makes me smile for you!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Whenever I read your words, lately, Brooke, they exude progress and healing and hope, and that makes me happier than you can even possibly imagine. Though I would like to add something profound to this conversation, I will refrain from even trying, to avoid failing miserably. Instead I will say that I look forward to what you have up your sleeve for next week and the research certain to enlighten all of us. And that I am also looking forward to you meeting ‘the one’ because when you do, I know he is going to light your heart and world on fire, and that is exactly what you deserve.


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