The Kids, Her Perspective

I am sure my previous article published in the Washington Post pissed a lot of you off.

Perhaps you think I am selfish, completely discounting the feelings and perspective of his ex (or soon-to-be, as I thought at the time). This is anything but the case. There is no question my ex and I handled things terribly. We fell in love and plunged in without fully considering how it would impact her. We should have waited until their divorce was finalized. I convinced myself that concealing our relationship was ‘protecting’ her and his kids. But in retrospect, this was not my main motivation. I just wanted to be with him, and I knew on some level that we would fall apart if she knew. We did.

This might have been the reason for our demise, but it’s irrelevant at this point. It wasn’t meant to be and we caused so much unnecessary pain for everyone involved. I now understand this, and it feels terrible.

Clearly the guilt, regret and residual heartbreak have resurfaced since the article was published. And as I was responding to comments, grappling with all of this, I came across this article, strategically placed right beneath mine.

Beautifully written by Samantha Shanley, it addresses the same topic, or at least one that is intimately related, but from a very different perspective.

Hers.

She relives the experience of ending her marriage while trying to keep her family ‘together’. She and her husband took a situation that can be so loaded with anger and resentment, choosing to treat each other with love and compassion instead. The grace with which she handled everything literally brought me to tears.

Her is the link to her website. I highly recommend reading more of her work. Her writing is extremely moving and powerful… and I kinda want to be her friend. 🙂

Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to share in my excitement about being published. It truly blows my mind, especially when I read articles like this.

How do you keep a family together after a divorce?

 

Please check out my social enterprise, Briya, and help us empower women and children with education and economic advancement opportunities across the globe.

Briya produces fashionable bags and accessories that allow adventurous spirits and dedicated change-makers to travel in style while helping women and children to reach their full potential in underprivileged regions around the world.

www.briyabags.com

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‘His Kids’ Revisited. (Published in the Washington Post)

Well, this is kind of exciting! Check it out and I always love comments and shares!!! 🙂

I Never Met His Kids. But They Still Had The Power to Make or Break our Relationship

Note: The last sentence gets lost with the ad, so read to the very end! 🙂 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/06/12/i-never-met-his-kids-but—they-still-had-the-power-to-make-or-break-our-relationship/?utm_term=.776c14394939

 

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Please check out my social enterprise, Briya, and help us empower women and children with education and economic advancement opportunities across the globe.

Briya produces fashionable bags and accessories that allow adventurous spirits and dedicated change-makers to travel in style while helping women and children to reach their full potential in underprivileged regions around the world.

www.briyabags.com

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You Can’t Love Me if You’re Afraid of the Dark (published in Elephant Journal

A bit more darkness to spread on your Friday afternoon, but from a different angle. Apparently Dark is the new Black. 🙂 (Don’t worry, it’s not as scary as it seems.)

Stay tuned…something pretty fucking cool is happening on Monday. Maybe something to do with the Washington Post. 🙂

You Can’t Love Me if You’re Afraid of the Dark

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/06/you-cant-love-me-if-youre-afraid-of-the-dark/

This is the my first article published in Elephant Journal…excited to be a part of the community!

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Please check out my social enterprise, Briya, and help us empower women and children with education and economic advancement opportunities across the globe.

Briya produces fashionable bags and accessories that allow adventurous spirits and dedicated change-makers to travel in style while helping women and children to reach their full potential in underprivileged regions around the world.

www.briyabags.com

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Smoke & Mirrors Revisited (Published in Thought Catalog)

Not as light-hearted as the last one, clearly, but I guess there has to be dark in order for there to be light…. 🙂

Tell Me, Will You Be Able To Handle My Darkness?

 

Please check out my social enterprise, Briya, and help us empower women and children with education and economic advancement opportunities across the globe.

Briya produces fashionable bags and accessories that allow adventurous spirits and dedicated change-makers to travel in style while helping women and children to reach their full potential in underprivileged regions around the world.

www.briyabags.com

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Smoke and Mirrors 

You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone know how to love. – Warsan Shire

I have been told by more than one person, guys specifically, that I verge on terrifying. I didn’t get it at first. Like how am I terrifying? Terrifying because I might hurt you? Terrifying because you might hurt me? Terrifying because are falling for me and the timing is bad?

All of those are valid. And I know I am intense. I know I over-analyze things and can be insecure and needy. I am not exactly passive. I have strong opinions and am honest to a fault, except for when I’m not. When I fall, I fall hard and fast, and I expect way more than most can give. And I know I have darkness, like a lot of it, and I’m terrible at hiding it.

That’s it, isn’t it? After decades of wondering what the hell I was doing wrong, I think I finally see it, my tragic flaw. The darkness.

It is tragic. Because as it turns out, most of you are scared of the dark.

I used to be. I used to use smoke and mirrors too, to trick you, to trick myself, into believing that I was normal. Not just normal, but happy and fun and positive, with no issues or past experiences that would make me need or expect too much. This usually worked for a month or so.  My scars were deep enough that you couldn’t see them unless you got close enough, which I would make sure didn’t happen.

But I couldn’t sustain it. Once the smoke cleared, what was staring back at me, what was finally exposed, wasn’t pretty, at least not all of it. And you would slowly back away. I always wished you would have done it sooner, that I would have shown you sooner, because now you just confirmed that the bad outweighs the good… and I kind of liked you.

So I don’t do that anymore. I simply can’t. I think you deserve to know what you are signing up for. And I want to know, sooner than later, if you can’t handle it. If the dark parts scare you, then I certainly don’t want to keep entrusting you with them. These are the parts that are currently the strongest, and also the most fragile.

So you are going to see them, sooner than later. And you are going to have to show me yours. You are going to have to expose those places where you go to hide. And you are going to have to tell me when you go there and why.

You don’t have to, clearly.  You can slowly back away. Because I assure you, it’s not easy or comfortable. But if you haven’t done it, or at least started the process, then you don’t truly know why it is that you do what you do, which includes how you deal with me. If you don’t know what your patterns are, what triggers you and how you will react, then I won’t know how to best handle them, how to best handle you.

So I want to see them. Your demons, those you have worked so hard to keep hidden. I want to meet them. They are actually who I want to meet the most. Because they are why I fell for you. There could not be so much good if you had not experienced so much bad. Your scars would not be scars if your wounds had not started to heal. And your scars are what I think make you beautiful. They make you unique and brave and resilient. They are your story, and your story is what I want to know, the good and the bad.

So I get it. You want to remain in the realm of comfortable and easy. You want to keep feeling good and try to forget the bad.

But you won’t forget it. It will always be there. Until you bring it out into the light. Until you get a really good look at it, study it, learn to understand it, then it will always return to the surface and attempt to extinguish the good.

So what if you question it instead? What if ask yourself why it always comes back? Why does it still scare you? What if it was just an experience- a reminder of what you have overcome, not a deciding factor of what you will become?

I’m not there yet. I’m admittedly a bit lost and have little clarity at this point as to where I will land. And yes, sometimes it is terrifying.

So if it is darkness that scares you, then I get why you would be.

You are exactly right. There is a good amount of dark. But I promise I’ll show it to you. I’ll make sure you know what you are signing up for. And yes, it verges on terrifying. But sometimes, that which we fear, in the end, transforms itself into something beautiful. 

And, just so you know, I’m not afraid of the dark. 

If you are afraid of your darkness, you are afraid of your own soul”. –anonymous

Whipped Cream Revisted (Published in Thought Journal)

An entertaining one for your Tuesday morning. 🙂

What Not To Say To The Cute Guy ShopAt The Coffee 

 

Please check out my social enterprise, Briya, and help us empower women and children with education and economic advancement opportunities across the globe.

Briya produces fashionable bags and accessories that allow adventurous spirits and dedicated change-makers to travel in style while helping women and children to reach their full potential in underprivileged regions around the world.

Shop here: www.briyabags.com

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