A Call to Disarm

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Untethering

I resisted posting this one, but it wouldn’t relent. So here goes…vulnerability in all its glory. A writer’s cross to bear, I suppose.

This is my surrender- an offering up of the thoughts that have been lodged in my chest, swirling around in my head and robbing me of sleep.

It’s time to let them go, to let him go.

In essence, this is the final spark, the one you see when the wick of a candle reaches its end, just before the flame is extinguished.

Nothing revolutionary, just a girl, laying down her arms…with the hope of finding peace.

 War & Peace

    boy.girl.heart

I woke up thinking about you.
Brushed my teeth,
Thought of you.
The cream settles in my coffee…
It never seems to stop,
This thinking of you.

—

I wait.
For the light to filter through the blinds.
I wait, for you.
To open your eyes and whisper, boo.

—

You gravitate toward her, dimmed, craving light
Exposed, you retreat.
Love, truth…she is no place to hide.

—

That moment she realized,
she felt closer to him when he was 10,000 miles away.

r.dautremer.swings

—

You’re too colorful for those who live in black and white.

—

She loves more than she’ll ever get back.
…and still, she loves.

—

I woke up thinking about you.
Brushed my teeth,
Thought of you.
The cream settles in my coffee…
I wonder when this will stop,
This thinking of you.

—

You wanted a distraction, wild, beautiful,
But not to be kept.
You lost a treasure, rare, extraordinary,
Impossible to forget.

—

Untethering
/ənˈteT͟Hərˈing/

When he doesn’t ask you to stay,
…and you love yourself enough to walk away.

L'Amoureux20

* all illustrations by Rebecca Dautremer

Afterlog…

Phantom Limb

twilight.final

28 thoughts on “A Call to Disarm”

  3. Brooke, you have achieved something so rare. The purity of your voice is in perfect harmony to the perfection of your words. You have laid bare with a degree of humility that is both inspiring and humbling. This is one of those pieces that makes me want to find you and hug you until we both just start laughing at the world.

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  4. Not sure how anyone could read this without feeling profoundly moved. It’s raw and vulnerable, and from beginning to end, a haunting and unadulterated truth.

    You have molded the dark and sharp edges of an excruciatingly paralyzing pain into illuminating beauty. I can’t help but want to reach out and put my fingers on what you have created. It’s extraordinary. I hate that heartbreak is the root of this, but it has awakened the gift that lives inside of you, and as I read, I could feel its breath. Reading this hurt me but it also made me smile with uncontrollable delight because here lies the proof that nobody can take from you the essence of who you are. What a beautiful thing that is. You are destined to shine brighter than all the stars, and by walking away, you preserved the magic and soul of the one who awaits you. And, more importantly, the love you have for yourself.

    Never look back, only forward.

    Your immense courage has inspired me, and that heart of yours has touched mine deeply. I am so very proud of you, B…more than you will ever know.

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    • It still surprises me the response we get to the ones we resist the most. It seems we all want to read things that make us feel, even when those feelings are uncomfortable. This one most certainly was and is. But it’s real…no sugar to be found here.
      I’m glad this one did make you feel as deeply as you did. Your faith and encouragement are very rare, beautiful things. I don’t always understand it, but I always believe it to be a gift, as are you.

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  8. Brooke, this is so moving. I am struck not just by the sadness of it, but by the inescapable strength. This kind of looking and letting go, and allowing such beauty to be infused into vulnerability, is what it is to be brave, to be strong. Your writing is beautiful, but even more than that, the beauty of your soul and spirit come through the words. There is always magic.

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    • I feel the same about you and your writing, Susan, so that means more than you know. This is one of those that I let sit for days before I could hit ‘publish’. But I can’t commit to doing this if I’m not authentic and avoid taking risks…in writing, in life, in love. It’s certainly not the easy route, and I am exhausted from trying to rebound from the blows. But that’s all we can do, right? Forge on. A truth you know and live, as well, which is always an inspiration. Huge hug to you, my girl.

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      • You live so boldly and so openly, but not without fear, which is what makes it all the more real. I can’t see you taking the easy route; you have far too much color for that. Hugs to you!!!!

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  9. To grow, to be our better selves, we have to let go of the tethers that bind us to the things we cherish, the things we think we need, thought we needed. It is such an achingly powerful thing to do. This was a great and beautiful read, Brooke. Sally forth, my dear, to the greater things that are ahead of you. You’ll be dazzling all of us with glorious delight soon, the way you dazzle us already with the power of your struggle inside. ❤️

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  10. To have met you in my prime and loved you all the more. Alas, time and distance and circumstance, they all confound our dreams, our desires. But, in our human fantasies, we remember how we were, how fragile and desperate — how strong, how purposeful, and it is enough. To remember. Fair or foul, all, become memories.
    As always, exquisitely written. – AM

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  11. Your comments are always profound, poetry at times, but never superfluous. You are right, all become memories, but to have a reprieve from this relentless trend of foul, to linger in “fair” for a while…that sounds decadent at this point. At times, I wonder if my mind has become so programmed to endure that it no longer ‘remembers’ how to indulge, or at least enjoy.
    I suppose I can only do my best to stay strong and purposeful while remaining fragile (resisting the instinctive desire to callous)… a difficult feat, indeed.
    Your insight and thoughtful praise mean more than you know.

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