Falling Up from Down Under & Steering Clear of Rabbits

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“Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end? I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it’ll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downwards! But I shall have to ask them what the name of the country is…Please, Ma’am, is this New Zealand? Or Australia?
                                         – Alice in Wonderland

So I went under…because everything kind of blew up. What I mean is, I went Down Under, to Australia.

Why Australia? To visit a friend. Because he wasn’t just a friend. But now he is…or perhaps he will be someday.

alice.falling

So things didn’t quite go the direction I’d hoped. But onward and upward, right? Although I’m not quite sure which way that is at this point.

It seems that I haven’t gotten the whole ‘things are looking up‘ thing down.

I’ve gotten close. Painfully close. My sister was optimistic, my friends let out a sigh of relief, cheering me on to what we thought was the other side. And we did get really close.

But here we are. Except, that’s kind of the issue…

I can’t exactly say where I am? Teetering on the edge of oblivion sounds about right- still walking on the wrong side of the street, sleeping on yet another friend’s couch…and my current physical address is a P.O. Box.

What I do know is my mind is reeling, my heart hurts, and my soul is most definitely bruised.

“There is a place, like no place on earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger. Some say, to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which, luckily, I am.”  ~ Alice in Wonderland

But this is my Oprah moment, right? That moment when it all seems so bad that you just have to laugh at how ridiculous it is or you will go mad. To keep your wits about you, you imagine yourself recounting that moment when you hit rock bottom and the play-by-play of your subsequent ascent.

This is mine, right?

Except I already have a solid collection of ‘rock bottoms’. si I’m all set for the whole “redemption/silver lining/inspire millions with my strength and resilience” part.

But apparently, we’re not quite there yet.

Not to worry, I shall forge on…or up or whichever direction is required to resist gravity and steer clear of rabbits.

In the meantime, I get to be in a beautiful place with a dear friend, do my best to walk on the ‘right’ side of the street, and switch from enjoying the spring Down Under to relishing in the fall a bit further up.

And really, doesn’t falling up sound better than down?

“You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants some magical solution to their problem and everyone
refuses to believe in magic.” 

27 thoughts on “Falling Up from Down Under & Steering Clear of Rabbits”

  1. They drive on the left, of course they’re upside down. It’s a all the British could do to get out of the proper right-side North and make way to the wrong-side South.

    It it me or did Lewis Caroll write the first fantasy novel? And as wacky as it was, was a hit — now that is an enigma. How people must have thought him utterly strange.

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  2. I’m sorry to hear about your misadventures down under Brooke. And kudos for already being able to gain perspective, write, poke fun, and hope for a better life. I’ve experienced many bottoms too and would love to see more of the ups. 🙂 Meanwhile, let’s keep moving forward as best we can. Sending hugs and prayers….

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    • Don’t be sorry, Brad. I had to try, right? What if it would have been everything I wanted it to be? I would have missed it because I was trying to be ‘sensible’. Sensible is boring. And I wouldn’t have seen a kangaroo hopping about or Kaulas doing what they do (which turns out isn’t much) …or a jar of vegemite (They really do eat that stuff. For real. Even this adventurous soul took one whiff and opted out!)
      I have a handful of dear friends, my health, and my hands to write, so there is still hope, right? But yes, more ups would be lovely. We’ll get there, though. And I have a friend on standby who said he’d send directions if we get stuck. 🙂

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  4. There are many things I could say about this post, but I know there are certain things that don’t need to be said and things you absolutely do not need to hear. Do I believe that things are going to be okay? 100% I do. Why? Well, because just okay is not your destiny, extraordinary is. Regardless, I am not going to toss out any cliches or pep talks and attempt to make sense of it all because none of it does at the moment. It’s a colossal gaggle of ‘what the fucks?’ What I do know, or believe rather, is this. There are people who come into your life for reasons that can’t be explained, and they impact you in ways you could never have anticipated or imagined. And without even asking, they accompany you into the darkness, walk with you and sit silently by your side. These are the people you grab hold of, who you surrender to, and blindly trust. Because they are the ones who won’t leave you and who will hold onto you just as tightly. Grab hold and hang on, B. Though this is your road to travel, I promise you this…you will not have to do it alone.

    PS…though this post kinda broke my heart, your words, as always, are woven with beauty and magic. It is so good to have you back, you were missed.

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    • Well, it doesn’t get much more beautiful than that, does it? Yes, there is much that could be said. But we’ll just leave it at what the fuck?.
      People have come into my life who I couldn’t have dreamed into existence…. and others have left, who I never imagined would have.
      What has become very clear, however, is when the dust settles, those of you still standing are truly heroic. You poets and dreamers, saints and sinners, rebels and risk-takers…with so much heart, compassion, and faith- you are as inspiring as you are loving and supportive…the magic I somehow managed to summon. I don’t always understand it, but your belief in me yields all the ‘what the fucks’ powerless…on most days. And that is enough.
      
“Well, now that we have seen each other,” said the unicorn, “if you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you.” – Lewis Carroll. Alice in Wonderland

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  5. This is my “nothing ventured, nothing gained” sentence. It’s followed by a very heartfelt sentence about “sorry it went the way it did.” Or maybe two. Next comes some hugs, sister, cuz I love you. 🤗🤗🤗

    I don’t know that you need any of that, but I’ll give it, anyway. That’s what friends are for.

    And then I’ll acknowledge what Tanya said, cuz she made so much sense. “Just okay is not your destiny, extraordinary is.”

    Damn right.

    Good to hear your voice again, my friend. And don’t worry about the bottom; I’ve been here before, and I know the way out. 😊

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    • Needed that, my friend. I truly don’t know how I managed to keep my head on straight before I had this crazy virtual world to come back to. As bizarre as this is (and admittedly sad), this feels like the closest thing to home I’ve had for years.
      I’m struggling to keep writing, to be honest. I’m so sick of writing about gloom and doom. I don’t want this to end up being my diary you poor souls have to suffer through. But fuck, I guess this is where I am for now and I just have to write through it.
      It is reassuring to hear you know the way out, as I’m a bit directionally challenged, it seems. So standby, please…I might need you to toss down a map (or maybe directions would be better. I’m terrible with maps, too.) 🙂 Hugs to you.

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  8. What Tom and Tanya said, 100% and then some!!! This is beautiful, Brooke. It is beautiful because it is real, because it is the truth of where you are. It is beautiful because the way you face things will help you in the falling and in the rising. It is beautiful because in the climb, there is always your special brand of magic. It is beautiful because it is you.

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