Redemption

Some closing remarks to balance out my previous post,ย I tried, but it’s raining …. not funny, per se, but hopefully a more celebratory approach to my favorite season.
The rain didn’t last much longer, as is usually the case here. But it did drag on long enough to make the days that have followed seem even more magical.
Yes, ‘death and loss’ are all around in theory. Trees are losing their leaves, flowers are no longer blooming, and my futile effort to rescue the bees struggling to take flight continues.
But these things still don’t represent Fall to me. Fall, for me, is perfect days when the air is crisp, but the sun still provides enough warmth to keep me craving to be outside. It’s watching the leaves slowly transform into a stunning display of colors, making their previous shades of green seem dull and ordinary. It’s mums and pumpkin spice, warm sweaters and crisp apples, hot soup and fuzzy slippers.
And it’s not summer.
Truly, the only thing I think is tragic about Fall is that it’s departure always comes too soon. I suppose that is what makes it all the more beautiful. I know these things I love are fleeting. I hear the crunch of the leaves that have already made their descent under my feet. I add more and more layers as the sun provides less and less warmth. And although there is an undercurrent of melancholy that threatens to undermine the beauty of the present moment, it’s kept at bay because each day the colors of my favorite tree are more brilliant than the day before.
So is this death, loss? Or is it perhaps redemption?
The season that came before is something I so desperately want to leave behind. No matter how beautiful the summer was, for me it was hell. Each day bled into the next, all the same, all filled with a sense of dread for the next to arrive. Because I knew I would feel as terrible as the day before.
Until that first morning when I walked outside and felt a subtle chill in the air, and with it, a tinge of something that had seemed to evaporate with the heat of summer. Hope. I felt some semblance of Hope. Change was inevitable. And summer was over.
This year, the arrival of Fall was swift. Temperatures dropped and the leaves took their cue, transforming into colors like I’ve never seen. I had no choice but to finally look up, the convergence of seasons revealing the gifts that I simply couldn’t see in the absence of perspective- the warmth of the sun on my skin, the changing colors of the leaves that will soon be gone, the fragrance of summer flowers still lingering as I walk by. Finally, a brief and welcomed reminder that this pain is fleeting and will eventually be replaced with something beautiful… if I choose to see it as such.
Redemption? I can’t say for sure just yet. But I do know this: you will never see colors as brilliant as the first ones you see when you emerge from the dark.
tree.crush
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19 thoughts on “Redemption

  1. Welcome back to the world of words. It was like a fine glass of wine to drink your writing again. This could be a mantra: “you will never see colors as brilliant as the first ones you see when you emerge from the dark”

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  2. Beautiful, Brooke. I think that an undercurrent of melancholy always pervades true happiness. The fleeting nature of the things we love mercifully applies equally to the things we dread. Joy with a sprinkle of vulnerable sadness is true joy, as it recognizes that the very beauty of what inspires us is contained in its impermanence and we don’t fall as hard when it departs. All of nature is death and rebirth and we are inextricable from nature. Though I may not live long enough to have completed a redemption for things that I’ve done, each day brings some small reminder that in the end, everything is okay and in the end, I was incapable of disrupting the wonderfully harmonious cycles of the very nature that spawned us.

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    • As always, I struggle to come up with words worthy of a response to yours. And honestly, all that comes to mind is this. I hope you see that your contribution is so much more essential than simply being ‘incapable of disrupting these wonderfully harmonious cycles”. You Paul, are one very significant reason why this cycle is beautiful for me. As you state, all of nature is death and rebirth, and we are inextricable from this. But to me, the true magic lies in the fact that each and every cycle is its own beautiful, unique, never to be replicated contribution to what would otherwise be perpetual sameness. You, like the brilliant display of colors that is now the canvas in which I live, are one of the gifts that bring light, depth, texture and beauty to an existence that could otherwise be construed as just another season. You do not need to redeemed, nor do I. We simply need to find redemption.

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  3. Although my city is in the grasp of a heatwave, I felt autumn in all it’s beauty as I read your words; your writing has the magic of transporting people into, not just your thoughts, but your world. I see Autumn as a time of awakening; I know that is usually said of Spring, but I have always felt as if Autumn is the beginning of something, a time to shed the weight of Summer. I am glad it is the season that is propelling you out of darkness.

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    • Oh I’m so glad my words transported you here! It’s so beautiful, I wish everyone could experience it. I completely agree with you. To me, fall isn’t about death, it’s when everything seems to come to life. Maybe because it is a finale of sorts, there seems to be no holding back. Your comments are always so very thoughtful and heartfelt. Thank you. I hope the heatwave breaks and the next season, your next season, is the beginning of something more beautiful than you could have imagined.

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  4. Pingback: Autmun’s Fall – Brandewijn Words

  5. ‘You will never see colors as brilliant as the first ones you see when you emerge from the dark.’ ~ I will never forget these words.

    For fear that I am going to sound somewhat inarticulate, I am going to keep this short. Your writing always grabs hold and chokes the air from your reader, because your capacity to make people feel is infinite. Few possess the skill of bringing words to life, as you do. Any attempt to recover from reading this post would be futile; your words have sunk deep. So I won’t try.

    Something beautiful does await you, and I hope that you keep looking up, and make a choice to see it. I have no doubt, however, after reading this post, that you will.

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    • Well, first of all, you can put that fear to rest; you will never sound inarticulate. I love that my writing makes you feel so deeply. That is, as you know, one of the main motivations for me to write. Thank you for always being so supportive of me in all the ways that you are. Few are as blessed to have that and it’s something for which I will always be grateful.

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  6. Beautifully written! Reading this made me yearn for fall to stay just a little longer! I have always found something so peaceful about the colors, i’m not ready for it to go yet.

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    • Thank you, Nichole. I’m so not either. It’s been absolutely perfect weather here (Boulder), so making the leaves hang on a bit longer. I’m kinda in heaven and feel so fortunate to live here! I hope it lasts longer than usual for you, as well. Thanks for taking the time to read this and comment. I hope to see you again! ๐Ÿ™‚

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