Drama Cleanse: Day 11

  1. 5-minute Journal- check
  2. Podcast: Tony Robbins: 3 Steps to breakthrough: How to Taking Control of your Strategy, Story and State can fuel lasting change
  3. Visualize- This morning
  4. Exercise: Bar Method (Barmethod.com/online)
  5. Goal- (speaking to students at independent school) Listened to the first workshop by TedTalks Founder

Podcast: Tony Robbins; 3 Steps to breakthrough:  How to Taking Control of your Strategy, Story and State can fuel lasting change

I have to admit, I have never been a huge Tony Robbin’s fan. I have no idea why, but I’m so glad my dear friend reintroduced me to him (thank you, Matt Clawson). He truly is a phenomenal man and speaker. This is the first podcast I’ve listened to where it was just him speaking, and it was very inspiring, to say the least.

Robbins touches on the three components that lead to how we approach our lives, which will determine the results we get.

Ironically, I had just started writing my next blog about one of the three themes: our story.

Your Story:

The first and most important components that he discusses is how we frame our story. This is the same attribute that he has seen across the board that determines what separates the most accomplished people from those who struggle most.

Our story is what has brought us to where we are. And where we are is a direct result of how we have interpreted our story. He makes an interesting observation. If we think about the people we see around us, either in our private lives or in the public sphere, it is more times than not the ones who struggled growing up who are the ones who achieve their dreams. Those who had most things handed to them, on the other hand, are usually the ones who now struggle the most.

He gives Oprah as an example. She was born to a mother who was only 13 years old, sexually abused by 3 different men before the age of 13 and was herself pregnant at the same age as her mother. All of this, in addition to having to fight countless other obstacles, including being an African-American woman in a time when both were blatant disadvantages.  Yet, look where she landed.

The point here is that, tragically, there are so many children who were abused, so many who grew up in poverty, or were bullied or neglected. So why is it that some go on to recreate their pasts and some go on to become successful and happy?

It is the decision we make as to how we are going to use those misfortunes. We can use them to protect ourselves or we can use them to empower ourselves.

My parents got a divorce when I was three and I was bullied throughout my childhood. So I can use this as an excuse as to why I am emotionally detached and treat others the way I was treated. Or I can use it as the very reason why I give 100% to emotionally connecting with people and do my best to treat everyone around me with kindness and compassion.

So ultimately, it is our decision to make. Are we going to use our story to protect or empower?. The first option gives us an out. It isn’t our fault: ‘it is in my genes’, ‘I can’t help it, that is what I was taught”.This way we don’t have to do the work or make an effort to change because we are victims of our circumstances. 

The second option empowers us to change our story. We can identify the things that could lead us to ‘becoming our parents’ or recreating our past and then decide to do something differently. This means we have to do the work and take the steps to create the story that we want, not the one that was forced on us.

Strategy:

Long/short. There are countless strategies that we know work, regardless of what it is we need them for (successful business, successful relationship, weight-loss strategy, etc.) A shortage of resources is not the issue. The issue is whether or not we utilize them.

My favorite quote from him:

“Lacking resources is the not the problem, lacking the resourcefulness is the problem”.

So, building on the previous, it is not our circumstances (our story) that are holding us back, nor is it a lack of resources (a strategy) that is determining whether we achieve what we want or not. It is the decision we make to implement the strategy necessary to create the story we want.

 State:

Your state is your feelings and thoughts- your emotions– that determine how you will define your story and strategize your approach.

Your emotions are in fact, your ultimate resource or your biggest deterrent. They are what make you take action to do absolutely whatever it takes to make shit happen. Or, they are what keep you paralyzed and stuck in a vicious cycle of fear of failure, complacency, and disappointment.

Hunger. It’s what makes you stay up all night to start a business, what makes you decide to get married/divorced or go back to school or run a marathon. It’s your hunger.This is the emotion necessary to take the steps needed, no matter how extreme, to achieve what you want.

Robbins gave the example of falling in love. In the beginning, you will do ANYTHING for that person to make sure your relationship is the best it can possibly be. But as time passes, your excitement starts to fade, you begin putting less and less effort in and your passion dissipates. And what happens? The same thing that happens ‘when you don’t water the plants’ (one of my favorite ‘gentle reminders’). I’ll help you. They die.

The same applies to a new business or any new endeavor we dive into with gusto. We slowly start to lose interest when it starts getting hard or isn’t turning out the way we had anticipated.

Takeaway:

I would say, for a lot of us, our lives haven’t turned out exactly how we had anticipated. It is just harder than we wanted it to be, and we have lost interest and the motivation to change it.

But this is exactly the time to reevaluate our story, strategy, and state. For those of us who know struggle, who know intense suffering and pain, we have a heightened incentive and an intense hunger to drastically change our circumstances. This hunger can either propel us towards greatness or towards our destruction. It’s our choice. It’s a decision we get to make.

For most of us, we are in the middle of it- the ‘mid-life’ thing. It feels like so much has happened and so quickly. We have regrets. We just aren’t happy with certain aspects of our lives. But these things are now so much a part of our lives that we don’t even know we are unhappy. Or worse, we do know but just aren’t willing to do anything to change them.

So that’s it, we just stop trying?  We give up on our dreams, perpetuate what we don’t want and resign ourselves to settling? It just is what it is. The timing is bad. Maybe someday when…

That sounds terrible. Doesn’t it? When you actually admit it to yourself and say it out loud?

Another option? (always good to have options) We could plant some seeds- seeds that we want, seeds of our own choosing that can grow and flourish…. preferably not weeds, though, especially ones that induce painful rashes. (Although, I’m actually partial to wildflowers, which are technically weeds. They are wild and resilient and pretty. What’s not to love, really.) And just to run this metaphor into the ground, I would strongly recommend selecting a good, nurturing environment in which your seeds can grow.

And then…

You are going to have to water them. You are going to have to do the work. It’s not that hard. Really. Just ask them. Listen. They will tell you. And then please, for your own good, give them what they need… and you will grow.

Steps for Day 12:

Let’s keep it simple. Same steps that are working for you, adding whatever else you need.

Tomorrow I’ll share something new I added if you are up for it.

Resources

  1. fiveminutejournal.com
  2. Visualization: Mike Dooley (visualization tips: http://www.tut.com
  3. Podcast Referenced: Tony Robbins: How to Make the Decision to do the Impossible: Siri Lindley on overcoming failure, moving away from fear and learning to love herself.
  4. Exercise: barmethod.com/online
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