Drama Cleanse: Day 5

Note: I am going to do my best to post these by 1pm everyday (Mountain Time) so those of you following do not have to check more than once.

  1. 5-minute journal completed
  2. Podcast: Finished Tony Robbins: How to Make the Decision to do the Impossible: Siri Lindley on overcoming failure, moving away from fear and learning to love herself
  3. Visualization- haven’t done it yet, but will this afternoon
  4. Worked out yesterday: Bar Method (https://baronline.barmethod.com/) Very humbling…struggled with the Beginner’s class. I used to do nothing but advanced only 6 months ago. But, I can only start from where I am.

I finished the Tony Robbins interview with Siri Lindley. I found this part just as inspiring as yesterday. She and Robbins really hit on what I am realizing is essential to living a life that is beyond status quo, that is extraordinary, in any area of your life- career, love, friendships, sports…

Hunger and Gratitude

Hunger: Siri was reflecting on her experience with the coach who helped her realize her potential. She later asked him why he took her on when she was so terrible in the beginning. He told her that he noticed her in a race years before they met. At that point in the race, she was in 42nd place, but she was absolutely killing herself just to get to 41st place. He said he knew at that moment that he wanted to train her because she had that hunger. Regardless of whether she won or not, she was doing her absolute best from the place where she was. He knew it was precisely that which would make her a champion.

Gratitude: She went on to explain what her main motivation to keep pushing herself beyond her limits was this: when she felt like she was going to die during each workout and each race, she just felt so thankful for the incredible gifts she had been given. These gifts didn’t include or athletic ability because she did not have that in the beginning. But she knew she had the desire, the willingness to push her limits, two legs and two arms to allow her to compete, and the opportunity to train with one of the best coaches in the world. Every single time she raced, this is what motivated her to give it everything she had. She was thankful just to be there, the outcome became secondary. And this is how she became World Champion.


I have spent most of my life doing exactly the opposite. When I began racing competitively (running), I did it for me. It empowered me, made me feel like a badass, increased my confidence, made me proud that I was pushing my limits… and winning.

This is the crucial difference. I started doing it to win. If I was winning the races, or at least in the top 3, then I was succeeding. Defeat or anything lower than 3rd place was failure. It became about the acceptance and recognition from others- my coach, some guy I was dating, my friends, etc. I let it define me and lost the joy I had in the being just for the sheer fact that I was able to compete and improve my time, agility, etc.

I eventually burned out and stopped competing, which makes complete sense to me now. This is how I have always approached almost everything I do. I have to be the best or at least a close second. I have talked about this before. It is perfectionism. If I am perfect at whatever I set out to do, than I am worthy of praise, love, etc. It is exhausting and self-defeating and takes the fun, playfulness, and enjoyment out of the things that I love.

I am competitive by nature and always have been. I don’t necessarily want to change that. But, I do want to change the motivation for pursuing things I love. What others think of how or what I am doing is not the reason I want to push myself to be better. I want to push myself to be better because I am loving what I am doing. Even when it gets challenging, I want to keep going because I want to be the best I can be for the sheer satisfaction that I have the gift to be able to do whatever I want.

I know from experience that this is not the case for so many people all over the world. They simply don’t have the opportunity or privilege of having access to a class or a sport or an education. They don’t have the luxury of being depressed or to wallow in all of the things they don’t have. So many of them are in full-on survival mode with little to no opportunity to change their circumstance.

I do. Even when I feel like my world has completely fallen apart, my god, I still have so much to be thankful for. My tiny basement apartment, by cute, girly bike, my cracked phone, even the fact that I have no present form of income. All of these things are fleeting and are so much more than most have. And, unlike so many, I have the power to change all of these things when I am ready to. All of them.

The last thing I heard was Robbins’ comment on cultivating our inner pride. More times than not, we remember the bad things people have said. These are what we let define us. I know this is what I do. But it’s a choice, right? I have so many people say amazing things to and about me. I am finally starting to let those things sink in. These are people I love, admire, and respect, who I choose to be in my life. Why in the hell would I continue to focus on things people said to me by those who I chose to no longer be in my life?

We have a choice. We either believe the worst or find ways to earn our pride. Not with approval from others, but because we are doing things for ourselves, things that we love, that make us feel unique, authentic, and proud.

If I do everything  i can to give every ounce of my heart and soul to whatever I choose to invest myself in, then this is my success. He quotes Coach John Wooden (famous basketball coach?) and I love this.

What we give, we keep forever, what we don’t give, we lose forever.”

 This is the primary piece I am working on for myself at this point in my life. I want to reach my greatest potential in all areas of my life. And although I am impatient and so tired of feeling sad and less than, I am finally appreciating that this will be a life-long process. The best I can do is chip away at it little by little…one step at a time.

So, steps for Day 5:

  1. Podcast
  2. Visualize for 5 minutes
  3. Some sort of exercise
  4. Do just one thing– If you are ready, think of one hobby or goal that you really want. Just think of one small thing you can do to work towards it, even if it is just writing it down. Maybe just put in your calendar a month or 5 months or a year down the road, put in motion.


  1. fiveminutejournal.com
  2. Visualization: Mike Dooley (visualization tips: http://www.tut.com
  3. Podcast Referenced: Tony Robbins: How to Make the Decision to do the Impossible: Siri Lindley on overcoming failure, moving away from fear and learning to love herself.
  4. Feel-goods: Fascinating Utube (3:30 minutes): Masaru Emoto’s Water Experiment: Words Are Powerful  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-0PeUeYbqw (NOTE: Music is terrible…I muted!)

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