Drama Cleanse: Day 4

Spaced my 5-minute journal yesterday, but back on track today. Yesterday was a rough one. I was just pissed pretty much the whole day…and sad. But, no drama, so I’ll call it a win.

Visualization: This I did while recovering from a dry-needling session at the PT office. Did wonders as a distraction from the pain.

Podcast: Tony Robbins: How to Make the Decision to do the Impossible: Siri Lindley on overcoming failure, moving away from fear and learning to love herself.

NUTSHELL:

This one might be the most inspiring for me yet. Maybe because I’m an athlete. (I guess I can call myself that…athletic if nothing else). Siri is the 2-time World Champion ITU who is now in the USA Triathlon Hall of Fame. Although she was always athletic, she had absolutely no background in swimming, barely any time in a pool, nor did she have a background in cycling or long-distance running. She just decided after watching one that was what she was going to do. And she was terrible, like almost the last one to cross the finish line her first handful of races.

The whole premise of the interview was to pick her brain about how and why she made the decision to do whatever it took to be the very best in the world. She was so very humble and honest, which made her response all the more inspiring.

The Why: She basically said, what we hear over and over, she had spent most of her life feeling so very uncomfortable in her skin. She just didn’t think she was good enough or worthy enough to accomplish great things, especially on her own. She finally decided (paraphrased), “I’m tired of feeling so terrible about myself all of the time. I’m tired of living my life from a place of fear”. Even as ‘bad’ as she was at the sport, she chose it because it made her feel good about herself.

The How: She was so committed to learning to love herself and allow herself to feel good, accomplished, proud, and confident, that she sought out the very best coaches and resources to train with and teach her how to be the best. One thing her first coach taught her was one of the most important things that inspired her. What was more important than being a great athlete was being a good person. Even if she only focused on that- on loving herself and aligning herself with her values and the things that made her feel worthy of being the best- would she ever be the best. So she did exactly that. She decided to focus on the little successes, to relish in the fact that she could even finish each grueling workout and competition. Because she was doing what she loved, which made her love herself more.

One of the most profound parts, for me, was her tryouts for the Olympics. She spent an entire year living like a hermit, doing all the things she believed that would get her into the Olympics. One of them was visualizing, every single day, every detail about the day of the trials and exactly how it would all godown, landing her as an Olympic athlete.

Long of the short of it, she didn’t qualify. She was absolutely devastated and felt like she had completely failed and blown her chances to accomplish her ultimate dream. When her team asked her what happened. Was she hurt, was she okay? She decided, instead of making some sort of excuse, she would just own it. She replied that nothing was wrong with her, nothing happened, she just lost it. She just freaked out and lost it.

This not only gave her power to own her mistakes and think of the factors that might have contributed, but it also made her assess why she was equating making it into the Olympics with accomplishing her dream. ‘The Olympics’ is not why she was a triathlete. She was a triathlete because it was her passion, because it made her feel like a champion. The Olympics did not define her or her success. Owning her mistakes gave her power. She could evaluate them and figure out how to correct them, instead of chalking up her defeat to circumstances that happened to her.

My Takeaway:

Again, going back to the ‘cursed hows’, Even though she visualized every day qualifying, ‘achieving her dream and being the best’, she put too much emphasis on how ‘being the best’ would unfold. ‘The Olympics’ was not her path. That specific event (or ‘person’ for a wider application), was not her path to achieving her ultimate dream: Feeling happiness/loved/proud/confident. She feels and is all of those things now and none were contingent on the Olympics.

This also goes along with the ongoing theme I am discovering. We can blame our circumstances on ‘god/universe’ or ‘fate’ or someone else. Or, we can take responsibility for our role in our mistakes or ‘failures’, we can reframe the “I am a failure or less than, etc.’ to “I did this or didn’t do that’. And, those things we can change. But, we have to forgive ourselves first and commit to moving forward instead of ruminating on what we did wrong in our past.

I had to stop listening right when she had just referenced one of my all-time favorite quotes by Michelangelo.

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

It never occurred to me to apply this to a person or me. We all have this beauty, our gift, the ‘angel’ inside of us that is our core, our essence. But it simply will not emerge until we ‘set it free’. This is so very empowering. It is up to me/us to dig deep, to realize the gifts/beauty that is my/our core and find the courage to begin carving.

For Day 5: 

  1. 5-mintue journal
  2. podcast
  3. visualize
  4. exercise: It’s time. I have to get this part of me back. It is something I love, that makes me feel good-confident, powerful, loved, at peace. It doesn’t matter what you do or for how long. Just do something that will feed your soul- go for a walk, do yoga, stretch, dance…doesn’t matter. Just do what feels good.

Resources

 Podcasts:

Tony Robbins: How to Make the Decision to do the Impossible: Siri Lindley on overcoming failure, moving away from fear and learning to love herself.

Five-minute Journal: App.fiveminutejournal.com

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