“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” (proverb)
You know when your therapist hears you retell everything that has happened in the past 6 months, comes over and hugs you, and says, “you should write a book”, well, you have hit a bit of a low point…and maybe you should write a book.
So, I am. This whole blog was spawned from my book, Summoning Magic. I have always been told I should. I mean, my life has been anything but ordinary. I just didn’t know what to write about, really, or who would be interested. Maybe I still don’t, and maybe nobody will, but I think there are many of you who are going through similar experiences and feelings- our mid-life crisis if you will.
It’s not fun. It’s kind of excruciating, really. But, I actually feel bad for people who don’t go through it. Those of you who dare to turn your world upside down when your world no longer fits, I think it means that you decided not to settle, that you realize there is no curtain call. This is it. You get one shot. You can continue to live the life that no longer fits, or you will take the risks, do the work, and make the leap necessary to start living the life that serves you, that excites you, that frees you from staying in a place that no longer brings out the best in you and those around you.
This decision is not for the weak at heart. But, I have a feeling most of you reading this are not the slightest bit weak and you have more than enough heart. If you don’t right now, I have faith that you will.
For me, the most challenging part of this whole phase has been the fear that I fucked up. The fear that I just left a life that was the best it was ever going to be. That I risked everything, I hurt people I love dearly. I sacrificed so very much. I hurt more than I thought was possible. What if it was for not? What if I land on the other side bitter? What if I end up alone?
But like a caterpillar, you, at least I, do not have a choice. There are wings to be had and I am undeniably trapped in a cocoon that no longer fits. I have no choice.
And this ‘in-between’ part, this phase of trying to break free from my shell and claim my wings, this is terrifying. I know what is coming, I know where I am headed. But I need those wings to appear now. I need to feel the wind propelling me forward, so very far from where I am, paralyzed, trapped in a life that no longer fits.
Since I have exposed myself for all to see, many of you have reached out to tell me you are going through something very similar. It hurts my heart to think of anyone else feeling this terrible, but it also gives me hope.
You are listening to your heart, to your soul. You are taking a stand and refusing to stay in your cocoon. You are setting an example, for all those in your life, that they should not settle- your children, your partner, your best friend, your neighbor. You are throwing down the gauntlet and daring the universe to bring it. Because you know. You know what is coming. You know this temporary, painful, seemingly endless transition is necessary to come into your own- your beautiful, unique, extraordinary own.
And I promise, you will come out on the other side, feel the wind propelling you forward, and you will soar.